woohoo for me!

I'm decluttering the house...I'm hoping to have it done by Feb 1st....at least that is my hope. Little steps. Today I did my entry closet.....I now have in my car 3 garbage bags to go to goodwill in the am. Keep in mind that is where I was storing it....just never got it out to the car. I have a problem holding on to the kids clothes. I also got rid of probably a garbage bag worth of stuff not worthy of going to someone else. It felt so good. I should have done before/after pictures! The hubby FINALLY :) put together the shoe shelf that I have been nicely asking for him to do for...a long time. It looks so much better!!! Now to tackle the livingroom. Which is honestly pretty good...just need to go through the kids bookshelf...organize current homeschool material...and clean off/out my computer table. Right now I"m looking for some nice art of some sort for the entryway as a reward. ;)

While looking around on the web I found this site http://www.squalorsurvivors.com/overcoming/yourhouse/organize.shtml It has some good tips and ideas. Now my house is not like some of the examples here. (my garage is on it's way though on a small level) I have a grandmother that was a mild version of this. My mom grew up during the depression so my grandmother was trying to raise 5 children during this time. Once the families situation improved though she started hoarding things....lots of newspapers and magazines...rooms full. One of my husbands grandmothers (actually his last one) passed away a couple years ago. She had rooms and rooms and rooms...not habitable full of STUFF...and rats...etc. She was poor...she grew up during a different time too...to put it nicely she was simple and not educated.. with psychological issues. She was not able to raise my mother in law but instead as an adult my MIL took care of her in many ways. Her house in the end had to be burned down. I'm getting off track as usual but it is amazing the different factors that can cause a person to hold on to stuff....me included. This aricle lists some reasons and I think mine is perfectionism....which is ironic...but I know it is something that has kept me from doing many things and finishing things I have started.

HERE'S to putting another dent in getting rid of more tomorrow!!!

it's that time of year....

I hate to dread it...but I do. I love Christmas...everything about it. In fact I love every month excluding Jan/Feb. I was in a foul mood today and I remembered why. My dad was born/died the first part of Jan...coming up on 6 years. Hubby's dad's bday was in Jan(who died 6 1/2 years ago) I had a miscarriage on Valentines day some.....hmmm.... 17 years ago....

The end of Feb always looks up...that is when A~man was placed in our home....I think it was the 27th of Feb 2000. :) Then shortly after I will look forward to the first flowers popping out of the ground.

Just get me through the dark of winter...

He showed me....and the doctor!

I'm tired. I'm always tired. Today especially so. It was my own doing....or undoing...

Today was an appointment with A~mans Dev Ped. This guy is 'SUPPOSIDLY" an expert in Prader-willi syndrome. We have been going to him off and on for maybe 6 years. The hubby and I do not particularly care for his bedside manner. Sortof condensending (not spelled right...)A~man acts like an ANGEL with this dr. He only speaks when spoken to. If you know A...you know...that is NOT how he is. ;) Well I got this IDEA and hubby was in agreement to not give him his morning meds....I wanted the dr to SEE our issues. ENTER MOMMY GUILT. Well...turns out he ALSO got into some of his sisters RED candy (hot tamales)...he has a BAD reaction to red40....bad is a mild description. It causes him to get a little crazy...to say it in unpolitically correct terms. So I get there...(thank goodness Z girl went to work with hubby) I sit down and he wanders around a bit...then he sits down...then he stands up and sits down again...nearly knocking the table that is behind the chair over. He realizes he almost knocks it over and tries to do it again....THEN I knew "OH CRAP" so I sat beside him as there is no moving it with me sitting there. He starts looking at the other patients...most have sn's ...he started saying loudly "is that a GIRL OR A BOY MOM??" I tried to disappear into the couch. We are called back for him to be weighed/measured/ BP. He refuses to remove his shoes. Finally I get em off...then he becomes violent/aggressive getting his BP done. The dr must have heard HE tries...A~man keeps tensing his arm...bending it kicking dr....they give up.

Next we move into the examining room. Normally with this dr he will go in...sit at the too small table and play with the toddler toys...only talking when spoken too. (this child never stops talking in every other situation) Instead he starts chucking the toddler toys AT THE DR and at his glass hutch that has beach shells in it! What does the dr SAY? " does he do this during your homeschool times?" this dr not a fan of homeschooling...let me say....why did he not ask " is this how he acts at home?" grrrr. (only on rare occasions btw) Finally he says that we must leave the room and wait for him in the waiting room. The dr comes in the waiting room and ds takes off at a sprint down the hall into someone elses office...I get him.....to make an already long story a little shorter we leave promptly after with Dr S saying" will you be ok getting him to your car?" uhhh yeah. Not sure how but I did...and my back is messed up to prove it. He acted "SO OUT THERE" that on the phone to dh I said "I hope they do not call dss on me". DH's response..."well you were not the one acting out of sorts A was" (wise man:)

It sortof backfired on me...it's my fault. This extreme behavior happens only once a month or so...and rarily in public. Usually if he has red 40. I was HOPING he would see A~mans "normal" behavior- talking too much, too loud, invading personal space, distracted. Not this rarily seen behavior.

Hubby talked on the phone with him later that day...he told the dr I was afraid they were gonna call DSS on me...the dr thought that was funny...I guess he deals with situations like that a lot...I just never see them.

Oh we saw security on the way out and they man was TRYING to distract DS by pointing at the very cool train that goes around the building....A~man only asked ME...does he have a gun or a taser?...fortunately the man didn't hear what ds said after the door closed!

It continued all afternoon...he would fall asleep...wake up...rage...fall asleep. DANG the red40! and me getting the bright idea to skip a dose.

Tomorrow is a new day though...and it WILL be better. I love my little man with my whole heart by the way...and told him so... He has taught me unconditional love. Despite what I have described the kid is sooo lovable...lucky for him! ;) Let try to add a pic of my handsome boy. Please excuse the horrible grammer and spelling tonight.

the rest of the story....

Well most of my subscribers know me on facebook and know the rest of the story but I thought I would come back and write it all down.

I guess it was Wednesday night. Z~ girl slept in my friends dd's room in a bunk and I had previously arranged for A~man to sleep in our room. Our gracious hosts made him up an airbed (although the kid honestly loves to sleep on the floor...not sure why?), he took a shower and went to lay down. Unknown to us....he had taken the cordless phone into the b e d r o o m. The hubby, my friend, her hubby and I were sitting in the livingroom nearby chatting. I had my EARS on. I kept hearing some beeps but thought I was hearing things. Finally we hear some more phones sounds....not sure if it was their answering machine or what...but I went in the bedroom and found THE PHONE. I took the phone and went and sat back down....wondering. I asked my friends dh if he could check the phone and see if any numbers had been dialed. The rest is blurry. He got up to go check I believe...and there was a knock on the door. It was at least 10:30. Evidently my mischief maker had called 911 not once...not twice...but a dozen times! He tied up all the emergency phone lines for the city. (small city;) My friends dh talked to them...not sure what he said...but all was well.

Do you laugh do you cry do you scream when something like this HAPPENS??? My friend and her hubby...were as cool as cucumbers...they handled it so well. Perhaps it helped that my friend is a dr and familiar with PWS? maybe. If it would have happened with my family?? it would have been NO SMALL MATTER. My MIL and step fil? they would have been ok with it but he would be in DEEP DOO DOO. Well he did get in deep doo doo with us. Than we talked about how it could have prevented people from getting help they REALLY needed. He's a smart cookie but this wasn't the first...and most likely won't be the last. Lord help me.

Oh I did laugh though....when he didn't see....can I admit that? Sometimes if I didn't laugh I would be crazy by now. ;)

a very thankful Thanksgiving

I have a good friend....my best friend in high school....so many fun memories.... that I haven't seen in about 17 years. Her husband is in the Air Force and in the last couple of years moved relatively close to us in AL....6 hours away. We have been trying to get together the last 6 months and they invited us to their house for Thanksgiving. We have no local family anywhere near us....and were not able to buy 4 plane tickets this season. So reuniting with old friends... was such a blessing this year! Granted with just the four of us we always have fun and special times...but add in another very special family and it was MUCH to be thankful for! I swear the entire time I was there I felt warm fuzzies....and it takes a lot for me to get warm fuzzies. It is just so special (excuse my cheesiness) to meet up with someone that knows your strengths and weeknesses when you were child....someone you shared your special dreams for the future with. THAT is who my friend Heidi is. :D

At first I was hesitant as they had not met the A~man....but he (and all of us) were welcomed and accepted. A special thumbsup to their BIG boy....who is just a bit older than our A~man. He was so patient...and kind....playing with A! I think my hubby had fun playing XBox (or whatever game it was...I'm not a gaming girl ;) with J too! Z~girl had a blast with Miss O....wish we lived closer so they could meet up....but AL is a lot closer than the other places they have lived! Such a fun mix my little Tomboy with my friends girly girl! Oh and MR H. Sweet boy. 3 yrs old....my all time favorite age!(I was a 3 yr old teacher for many yrs) He's a mans man.....but I will conquer this boys affection!!! :D

We were able to take a trip to my friends office! Very cool. My friend is a doctor and I'm so proud of her!! <3 She even checked our blood pressure. :)

Anyway it was a wonderful 2 days....even though I wanted to stay 3 or 4 (hubby wanted to spend time at home Saturday and Sunday morning before he started back to work Sun night) but I am thankful for the time we had.

I will save the visit by the police (at our friends home) for the next blog.....a funny occurance (rolling my eyes)...well one of those situations where you have to laugh....or you will cry....which is MY LIFE IN GENERAL. :)

Lighting a candle tonight

in memory of my nephew Ryan who was killed in a car accident 2 years ago. He was 20 years old.

OK if you read my blog you know I can be scatterbrained. I'm comfortable with that now...it's who I am. Two years ago today I had scheduled us to fly to spend Thanksgiving with family....this was the year Thanksgiving came earlier in November so the week before we were to fly out...the nonrefundable tickets were bought one of my brothers emailed me saying in a nice way "could you not fly here any sooner than Thanksgiving day?" uhhhh I had booked ON THANKSGIVING DAY!! I was embarassed.

The kids are excited....we are...and after a long day of flying from coast to coast we finally arrive in Wa. From the start it strikes me odd. My brother R was supposed to be picking us up. Well most of my east coast family meets us in the airport. My brother S's girls...and his son....my great nephews and great nieces...and my mom. NO ONE looked happy. My brother R comes up to dh and I in a hug and says...I will never forget these words "R was killed in a car accident last night"... I felt so sick...like I had been hit in the gut...with all these eyes of my family on me. I remember hugging R saying I am sooo sorry...and running to the bathroom...to get sick and sob.

The rest is a blur...memories with family....some good even amidst the sorrow. It was a rough event for A and Z. We went to the viewing and brought them....I think back and wonder if some of A`mans issues...his obsessions with death were caused by this. A~man had only met R once...but R worked with adults with disabilites but their one time meeting...they were fast friends. You can't go back and change things... I remember standing next to my niece T...she is like a sister to me...heck most of my nieces I feel are more like sisters to me....just staring....walking out of the room hugging my brother and sobbing like I have never cried before...like I have never cried since. Seeing my nephew there....stilll and cold. I have NEVER cried like I did with R's death. I remember A~man screaming " my cousin is not DEAD".

I pray for his parents and his sister tonight as I often do....hoping they have peace....and comfort. If my heart hurt so much I cannot imagine their grief.

I hope R is up there playing his drums in glory!! ~Joy~

parenting is aging me....go figure

Today my husbands stepmother in law sent us some pictures. To back up she married FIL a couple months before he passed away...in 2004. Anyway it must have been pictures she had found. It was dh's senior pictures that FIL took, some pictures of him (fil) from that time period, grandparent pictures (my parents and dh's grandparents) , PRECIOUS reminders from the past...pics of the kids as baby/toddler with them. I'm so thankful to have the pictures now.

OK now for my vain side...it doesn't show often. Pictures of ME (oh and dh was in there too;) with the kids when they were a baby and toddler. OMGoodness! As dh said "you look like a little kid!" now I wasn't a little kid....I was 31....but b'gosh I looked 21. Maybe it was because I was so skinny? Honestly though...even though I wish I was 20 pounds at least lighter....I like my face better now....I"m rounder....more....well curvy....(I'm trying to see that as a positive). Now? well I look every bit my 39 years....but thinking over the last 10 years of parenthood...I've earned it! I would show before/after pics but....well I WON'T. I might show a local blog friend if she asked though. ;)

Mom I'm hungry....

This is a common thing for kids all age to say right? It's a sad thing also when you hear about children in other countries that do not have food or the means to get it. I have another version and very heartbreaking for me.

A~man just turned 10 this week...yippee but I will save that post for another day. Tonight (3-8) he was with his respite provider at our church that has a special needs classroom. They have a day placement for adults with sn's but A~man is kindof like their special mascot haha and in the summers he is there with the rest of the younger children with sn's. But Wed's are his special afternoons without mom or dad hanging out at his favorite place on earth...church. While he was there we took Z~girl to go swimming for some more one on one attention. (or is it two on one?:) While ds is at church he hangs out in the classroom socializing then he goes to eat as they serve a meal on Weds. I'm not sure when things went bad...I'll find out more details tomorrow...for now I know enough. Hubby went to pick him up from church....he was throwing a fit screaming bad bad stuff...he had to carry him to the car. Keep in mind this is a HUGE church...geesh I wonder what people think? He is so high functioning that when he falls apart I know people must think he is just a bratty kid (he's NOT) that must have been raised by wolves....ok I gotta chuckle...but he has autism thrown in there which is a double whammy on self control.

Anyway this entry has no rhyme or reason...I'm rambling...just need to vent. He gets home in hysterics....dh has to go back to work:( and I could not get him to get ready for bed. He sits on the couch and starts saying he hasn't eaten dinner and he is hungry.....just crying "I"m so hungry please feed me!!!" Rip my heart out already....Did I feed him? No. I know he had been fed....so I just held him on my lap and let him cry....finally I was able to get him to jump in the shower with the promise when he calmed down he could call daddy. He wanted to tell daddy he was sorry for the way he acted. He also was telling me he wanted Jesus to forgive him....(he screamed he hated Jesus in church) RIP MY HEART OUT AGAIN! stomp on it too....

I just instantly thought of GRACE. I told A~man that Jesus forgave him .....he did it long ago so he could forgive him now. I told him that God loved him VERY much.

I am exhausted.

PEACEFUL weekend

We had planned to go camping this weekend but it was off and on rainy and cold...cold for the south that is. ;) We tried our best to find a cabin nearby to rent but our area is notorious for leaf lookers and it seems they are all filled until the last leaf falls off the tree. The kids were so dissapointed....soooo we went to a new waterfal...a small one but it was so peaceful.

DH actually took a cat nap by the falls on a most comfortable rock....I found a comfortable rock myself to lay on while keeping an eye on the kids. After a bit we decided to explore some more and crossed the highway where Z~girl found another path. On that path we found some more leaves for our collection and yet another waterfall of sorts...more like a damned off area. I'm hoping to return there in a week or so when the leaves have more color.

Then....we went to Lowes to buy a fire pit. This is something we have been wanting for ages and I told DH it would be our belated birthday presents. (our bdays were in July) So we cooked hotdogs and made s'mores that night. Afterwards after a minor scuffle between A and Z they settled into the INDOOR tents I made for them in the livingroom.

Bonding with nature...

This afternoon it was just me and the girl. The hubby texted asking what we were doing and I told him "bonding with nature" he chuckled...a private joke. We both (before kids) used to work with a little boy with autism for years and during part of that time we shadowed him at a montessori school....there was a day when both dh and I were there...along with the ABA (applied behavior analysis ) consultant...and "D" was hugging a tree....the teacher said "he was bonding with nature" The ABA consultant looked mortified and dh and I both chuckled at the polar opposites of the teacher and "specialist". Anyway...Z and I bonded with nature today...but then again...our family enjoys exploring Gods Creation on a regular basis.

We are doing a Tree unit study. I LOVE TREES. When I was more artsy...most of my pictures had a very detailed tree in it. Before I get too big of a head...the unit study was not created by me but a local homeschooler who's children are grown. It was made especially for the levels my children are at. My dd is 8 and ds is 10......both "3rd grade" whatever that is;). She chose the books specifically for my advanced 8 yr old and my more challenged 10 yr old. The books she chose for both have been WONDERFUL. It is also our 4H project for the year so we will be using it for an extended amount of time.

Today the most colorful leaf we found were some red oak leafs. It was the most wonderful girl bonding, chatting about the changing leaves, the why's etc and what we would do with the beautiful leaves we found. We each found about a dozen of the SAME type...some red and some still green off the ground. We found a bench and she traced some of hers (actually for this she did different kinds in addition to oak) and then used colored pencils. BEAUTIFUL! When we got home she did some crayon rubbings with them and I used some contact paper to laminate mine.

I'm hoping ...if we are brave we might take one last camping trip this weekend. Even though we are in the south it will be CHILLY. But it would be fun to explore the trees...the sounds...the smells and the chill of fall!

feeling overwhelmed....

It's been such a wonderful end of summer....begining of fall! Meeting a wonderful new group of homeschool friends....tons of homeschool events that are absolutely wonderful...no complaints there. In fact for the first time in ...gosh who knows how long...over a year I am going out with friends to a movie! no KIDS! woohoo! Our family has been on some many nice new hikes to local places we have never seen and the actual HOMESCHOOLING is going so well! Z learns so easily despite what I have no coined the "GIRL 'TUDE"...A~man is trying so hard..I have found such a wonderful match of curriculum...it's hard to fit all the fun learning in a day! I have also started trying to relearn crocheting...and also have been sewing. Oh and add in the exhibits we entered in the fair..I need to post pictures!!!

Now for the OVERWHELMED. My house is awful. A complete mess. Now there have been times when it is cluttered (there is no hope for me there with my love of books and fabric) but it needs scrubbed top to bottom. WHEN? Now just a disclaimer it is not "unhealthy dangerous dirty;)" but YUCK. My downtime is in the evenings I can't survive without it honestly. I do have someone doing respite with A~man once a week now for about 4-5 hours....but during that time I or we, if dh is not working like to spend extra time with Z~girl. Oh and we just joined the gym...where will I get the extra hours/energy for THAT??? ROTFLMAO.....

Aye aye aye....I need a housecleaner. Now I know in the whole picture I am accomplishing the IMPORTANT stuff....but geesh it would be nice to not be embarassed if the doorbell rings....you know instead of hiding in the closest......JK.....

A trip to the orchard

it just became clear to me....

We are going on our 4th year of homeschooling. Through the years we have tried and used so many kinds of curriculum....I'm embarassed to even say! Last year I bought My Fathers World. LOVE the idea behind it....love all the material. Did we use MFW last year? no. We used it here and there and read most of the books but today it hit me. With my personality and the kids personalities we are just not a strict schedule type of family. This week was so wonderful....Boy scout swim party kickoff, 4H started, Girl scouts started, a field trip with our homeschool group, and today a trip to Dunkin Donuts followed by a playdate with them at the park. It ran me ragged but I just let myself enjoy this week. Inbetween all that we did our "school work". Next week will be a mainly HOME type of week. In years past I felt so much guilt if we did not get everything done on our "list" and would feel guilty about the weeks we were busy out of the house. I am going to stop with that crazy notion! I'm also going to stop feeling the need for the PERFECT all around curriculum....and use a little this a little that to fill in the needs of our family.

Flutterby

Wordless Wednesday

A big THANK YOU!

This is to the two ladies, Adrienne and MaryGrace, for the wonderful packages from our washcloth swap! I must post pictures later to show and tell!! I am gearing up for "school" to start back and have been busy...my apologies!

Mama...do fish go to heaven???

Z~girl turned 8 this month. I cannot believe so much time as gone by! I remember sitting on the couch of the old log cabin we used to live in nursing her and watching the twin towers fall. It was unbelievable.

The last couple weeks she has really started to share her feelings with me. Her thoughts. Her worries and things she is curious about. Some of it has been some pretty serious stuff. She shared something that she thought I would be mad about and b'gosh I had flashbacks to a situation in my childhood! If I had someone to talk to about this....it would have really helped me....I talked to her....told her I liked that she shared it with me...I reassured her I was not angry.....told her a similiar situation when I was a child...but told her as wonderful as my parents were....are (in my moms case she is still here) I NEVER felt like I could talk/question my parents.

This ISN'T the story or situation I told Z but I remember once in middle school hearing (this is years ago....a more innocent time I think;) something about french kissing. I said completely innocently to my mom "Mom did you know in France they kiss with their tongues???" funny now but I got in trouble and it was a question from an innocent...naive 6th grader.

I so WANT my daughter to come to me. AND that she has this month. This week teary eyed (she is a very sensitive little soul) she said "if I think a bad thought about someone will they know I thought about it when they go to heaven?" ACTUALLY this is the second question this week that started out like this. The first one had me worried...she said she had a bad thought about daddy. I kept calm...didn't react.....she said she was thinking of the D word. I thought the worst. Finally she said in her mind she was thinking daddy was a DUMMY because he wasn't spending as much time with us as when he was recooperating(sp?) from breaking his hip. He was home with us for over 2 months. Geesh I had to squeeze her! I talked to hubby about it and the next day made sure she was able to spend the afternoon with him. Today she got teary again same question....but she was thinking about someone...that they were fat...she felt bad. GEESH I thought she was talking about me or her daddy! (we could stand to lose 20;) Finally she told me she thought it about her brothers worker. She is a sweet girl 19....that is heavy yet so very pretty. I told Z that sometimes we couldn't help what we thought....but we could help what came out of our mouth. I also told her how pretty I thought A-mans worker was (she IS!) and that God made us all shapes and sizes....it would be very odd off we were all the same.

I'm off track;) just a bit. This week I'm convinced I killed my girls Beta fish!!!! the water kept turning green (should have left it that way!) I put something in it and the fish died. Z girl was SO UPSET....she thought it was something she did. We tried to convince her otherwise. :) Today though she asked me if her fish would go to heaven. I told her I didn't know. BUT I told her when I asked my dad that question years ago about one of our dogs....he said that heaven will be filled with everything we love. That seemed to satisfy her.

I hope her questions keep coming. I love her so much!!!!

Ready for some R and R!!!

We are heading to the beach in the morning...just for the weekend. We are going to Charleston my FAVORITE place besides here in the mountains! Lots of beach...lots of exploring the historic downtown....maybe a ghost walk....maybe a carriage tour. I can't wait. I would be in bed but I'm finishing up some last minute laundry.

Incase my swap buddies are reading....I'm hoping to get the last item/s for the swap. I'm bound to find what I am looking for in Charleston!!!

washcloth swap

I'm gearing up to start sewing. I am in a swap with Adrienne from http://www.someofakind.blogspot.com/ and Mary from http://www.hookedonneedles.com/ . This is my first craft swap and I'm admittedly nervous hahahha. I have a plan but I think first I will make myself one to make sure it will turn out the way I want. Maybe if these bloggers see this they will give me some hints on colors they like??? :) This is going to be FUN!!!

Grace in Small things

I just realized it has been a long since I have posted one of these. Most of them were when we were going through a lot of hardships! shame on me for not doing it sooner.

1. a nice relaxing hike at my favorite place locally....eating wild blueberries on the way to the top. :)

2. Being able to pay for our bills and get caught up.

3. A wonderful, caring, patient husband....with his family and the client he works with.

4. WONDERFUL grandparents for my kids visiting. The are loved so unconditionally. Gma has been sitting with Z for hour drawing....I never knew MIL could draw so well! FIL and MIL being soooo patient with A~man....yet strict...a wonderful combination. The kids are going to miss them so much! (me too!)

5. ok this sounds trivial....but an AWESOME watch dog...kids dog....my faithful compainion. WHO barked his head off (this is unusual) last night to watch out for us.

the honey moon is over.....

with hubbys new client that is. IMHO he has been spoiling the guy to keep him happy. He always tends to do this with his clients. He is a good man with a good heart. After awhile though he realizes he has to buckle down and set limits. This young man is 21....I guess it is ok to post his diagnosis because I'm not going to post his name. He has high functioning autism, bipolar, RAD, ADHD. He is a really great guy and can fix about anything that needs fixing...knows all about botany...he is really an encyclopedia of knowledge. He gets along well with our 7 yr old dd but I would never leave her alone with him. A~man rubs him the wrong way and you know why? he is too much like him. He is an adult version of my son honestly. Minus the Bipolar.

This week he dh got him some fireworks. He is a bit obsessed with fireworks. All day on the 4th he was lighting noisy ones....every 30 seconds. I let this go on all morning and mid afternoon I nicely asked him to stop until the evening. Later he apologized very nicely.

Next day. DH bought him MORE! He did them all morning and come about 1:00 I had HAD it. I was polite but firmly told him to STOP. Earlier our neighbor across the street had nicely asked if he was about done too. What does he do? He goes across our street and starts lighting them. I looked at dh and said "I asked him to stop". DH goes out there and asks if he heard me ask him to stop. He then says "well I"m not on your property". DH (lol) then says well you are disturbing the peace and if you do not stop I will call the police.

He got all pouty. Well this young man has night terrors and several times a week another worker stays at the other house with him. Normally they do not last long if you leave him alone. Well he tried to attack the worker (a woman) and was yelling at this woman to take him to OUR house because....welll....I won't say it all but he wanted to do something harmful to ds and I. She called dh and he went over there to relieve her and by that time he was back in bed. He was asleep the whole time we are convinced. Scared the CRAP out of me though!

The next day he was his gentle, helpful, talkative self. He did not remember a thing and when dh told him what he said and did it made him spiral down. It bothered him so much what he was trying to do and was saying. He now has an appt with his therapist to talk about it with dh along. I was unease the first couple days around him but he was as nice/polite as can be....just really down wondering why he did all that. Mental illness sucks eh? He is over attatched now to dh and sees A`man and I as a threat for attention he is not getting. He has no problem with Z but she is quiet.

Onto other things....:) I need to finish my quilt....it's so close....I need to start crafting again. BUT I have been doing a LOT of picture taking and started back drawing(hoping to enter something in the fair)

Today we went to the vegetable stand and the young man that waited on us (jr in hs) asked Z if she was glad it was summer and that school was out. I WISH I had a photo of the look on her face. She said uhhh we homeschool...to be polite. Even though technically we are taking July off this child never stops... she is always looking for new things to learn and sometimes has mama looking for the answers to her questions on the computer. Her occupation interests? Firegirl/entemologist/Vet/scientist....the list goes on. I LOVE homeschooling.

Life is good.....but stressful.

Wordless Wednesday

oh what a night....

I will only put this in my blog....no where else I go online...although I have awesome online friends. Unless a person has been around such things as mental illness, developmental disabilities, autism, prader-willi syndrome...my stories would not mean what they do.

Tonight we had a date and hubby arranged for someone else to stay with the young man in our rental. That halfway fell through as the lady came there sick with absessed teeth and hubby sent her home when we got home from dinner. Before that and before coming home we got a call from the babysitter. She is a mature lady that has worked in childcare for eons that likes to sit for us on occasion. Well....to make a LONG story short...somewhere A-man found matches (not sure where...we do not smoke regularly....maybe in a camping bag?) he lit it. He burnt himself and then showed the sitter. Well she was thinking that she only saw the last two matches in the match book so she goes looking for the rest in his room. All hell broke loose. Not sure if it was because she was moving his stuff or what but he became escalated to a level that hubby and I only see once in a blue moon. He became violent. He doesn't do that with us. She had to restrain him (it was safely) as he was in danger to himself and her...she is a tiny lady.

Needless to say no daycamp tomorrow. His worker there is new and I"m not going to chance it escalating to that level again and him getting kicked out or hurting someone.

I'm thinking of maybe two possibilities of triggers for this behavior. He takes med for ADHD and for OCD issues. Last week the dev ped increased his OCD meds....although we have been doing it gradually. It is a med that could have an odd affect. Also today he had chocolate...and quite a bit. GEESH I am normally such a hard butt about food issues...and the prader-willi syndrome. At 4H they ahd this yummy chocolate dessert and I couldn't say no....I thought awww just this once. IN the past he has had bad reactions to chocolate...what was I thinking???? I have boycotted RED 40 for similiar reactions...I guess it's time to do the same with chocolate and treat it like an allergy.

I beleive the Lord is shaping me to become what he wants....but sometimes it's a painful process...

a mama brag......

This is so thick in bragging you just might not want to read. ;) Z has been reading....REALLY reading since midyear of kindy age. She is now finishing up 2nd grade. (homeschooling) Our library has a summer reading program set up to encourage kids to read all summer. I really do not need to encourage her to read.....sometimes I have to encourage her to go watch a video if you can believe that. She is almost 8 and reads between 2-4 hours a day with no prompting. This amounts to about a chapter book a day. (Boxcar/Bobsey twin/mystery type) Well.... today I wish I could have taken a picture of the librarians face when Z brought her papers back after two weeks. She had twice as many spaces filled as she needed to, to get all of the prizes. So she got a tattoo;), a little bristley toy, a hacky sack, and she got to pick out a new book to keep. Gosh I wish I had a picture of her face....oh so proud and confident!!!

I really blew it today!

Normally I am a quiet spoken.....PATIENT person. I guess after today I will start over with the patient part of that book I was (and started back) reading.



It started out nice enough we went to church, out to eat a nice dinner, then we walked downtown and I had hubby pick out a new hat and a nice shirt.



I need to back track a bit. It took me a LONG time to become mommy....mothers day means a LOT to me. This year I got back from visiting my mom the day before mothers day. For mothers day I did not get a card or anything BUT we went out to eat somewhere nice. I held it together.....thought I was over it.



Today hubby got a card for the mother of the young man he is working with....as her dad is dying. I FLIPPED. I guess I kept some things bottled up too much. I went off on him asking WHY did I not get a card for mothers day, HE did not get his own mother a card (I did and she knew it as I sent it from Wa....big points from MIL on that one;) He did not send his mother a card or anything when she was going through her cancer treatments. (the kids and I did but should have more) I kindof lost it. I was just so mad that he would think to send this lady a card (not worried about a romantic problem;) just the whole principle of it! It really turned into a huge Mars Venus thing and I made him cry. I had reason to be mad but geesh I really over reacted and blew it today. He's working tonight so he is not home. We NEVER fight so I am so upset....I partly blame my PMDD. I only get it bad 4 or 5 times a year but geesh.....it's in full force and I lost my self control.

a side not normally seen....

of my son. Fortunately this only happens every couple months ago but today has been downright horrible.

I woke up and saw him. Somehow he got some clippers and tried to trim his hair. He has patches all over taken out down to the skin....including his eyebrows...they are half missing. It went downhill from there with rages, screaming, crying. (from him not me silly;) I put him in his room at one point and then he started screaming out the window. oh joy...I actually had to call my husband to come and get him for a few hours....I could not handle it...I needed quiet. So I went to bed for a couple house this afternoon while he was gone. Then to be nice my husband took us (plus the person he is help take care of) to Fudd Ruckers. (kids eat free Monday night) There is a big 7 foot wood bear in the entrance. In the past...and today I have to have him behind me to get him past the bear...it scares him. We are quite the sight. It went fairly well inside the restaurant until we told him he couldn't have a cookie. (he is allergic to peanuts) On the way home (30 min drive) he is begging for dessert.....we say no....he had rootbeer which is a rare treat in itself. Somehow we get him in the house and into bed and he is screaming....crying...

Tomorrow hubby is going to have to shave him bald tomorrow.....next Monday starts daycamp.....in a week is his Dev Ped appointment...I wonder what the dr will think of his shaved head and eyebrows.

I am so tired...not an ounce of energy left in me. Sleeping won't be easy though.

The Love Dare.....Love is patient...

This book is from the writers of Fireproof book/movie. I am on day one..... Normally I think of myself as a VERY patient person. I have been tested like crazy today and I am about to lose it. Nothing intentional.....mostly to do with the struggles of starting your own business. He is having to make it his priority right now...and I'm at the bottom of the list. (which is never the case normally he is an awesome husband) I think I may have to repeat day one as my patience is gone for the day.....hahaha.

We found someone for our rental!!!

This has been a LONG process......more than two years actually. It is a young man with high functioning autism and he moved in yesterday to our little cottage house. DH has some jobs set up for him with a handy man friend of ours. He also is very proficient in landscaping. Yesterday he asked if he could pull some weeds from around our deck and MAN he did! He got those nasty chokeberry plants (that A-man taste tested last fall!) roots and all......the roots were about 3 feet long and thicker than my arm. He spent an hour working around the deck and it looks so much better. He knew all the names of the weeds/plants and everything about them. I guess he used to have a worker that was a horticulturist. I saw him working and would LOVE for A-man to be able to work doing a job like that.

So far so good!!!!

Grace in small things April 12th 2009

1. Z-girls excitement at seeing egg shells all over the counter and floor from the egg she left out for the Easter bunny.

2. Seeing their excitement looking through their basket.

3. Finding one of the last seats left at church....in the back....in the balcony...heehee.

4. Going for a hike at one of our favorite places looking for ants for the Ant house the bunny brought.

5. Watching the kids look for easter eggs in the yard....looking up, looking down.

and Not a small thing....but a big thing....Knowing my Redeemer Lives!! that He loved me enough to die for me.

Our yard is kindof icky right now (pictures)....we still have a lot of patches from replacing the septic system. How do I turn pictures aroundon here?

Very down this week

I guess I should be grateful. I have not had a really down and depressed time the last month+ since Chris' accident. Instead though it has been compacted into this week. Hormones really can wreck havoc on a woman. I got my monthly friend and this week I have been completely grumpy and depressed...so not like my normal "ME". I would have loved to stay in bed all week long...but of course I wouldn't/couldn't do that. So I tried being as normal as possible. I wasn't that successful I must add.

Oh I did have a funny today. I HAVE to see it as a funny. Life is unpredictable that is what keeps things from ever getting boring. I have been telling A-man for days that I would cut his hair when it was sunny and I could do it outside. Well he took matters into his own hands and cut big chunks out of his hair today when I wasn't looking. Chris found it and took him into the bathroom and I thought he was just going to trim it with a long guard on the clipper. Then I heard the shower turn on and KNEW he had just pretty much shaved it on the lowest setting. I wasn't in a good mood at the time and this didn't help. A-man has an off shaped head and has GORGEOUS thick hair....he looks best with hair. He now has a haircut like daddy. Here's a funny picture...I am laughing now...well a bit....with a bowl on his head. The STINKER. :D

Grace in small things

1. Rain that will result in a lot of green in the next couple months.
2. Earl Grey tea on a cold damp day.
3. Watching the kids enjoy 4H.
4. A warm cozy house
5. A foot massage! I am so spoiled.

I love spring!

It was such a fun week. We went to a local national park place to see if there were any baby goats yet....it will be a couple more weeks but I got some awesome pics of Z.....A-man wasn't in the mood to have his pictures taken. Chris and I have been going there since we were first married. It is an AWESOME place to hike with easy trails and more strenuous ones. The previous picture of them in the doorway of the barn I have of them at 3 and 5 yrs old too.

We also started making a garden which is a first. We are gathering rocks from an abandoned lot to make a raised bed. It will be our salsa garden. Last year Chris made some awesome salsa with local produce and this year we are hoping to grow it ourselves. We have enough land that we are hoping to build a small area for both kids to have their own garden as a 4H/homeschool project.

The baby girl situation didn't work out. I'm dealing with it. We are going to work on our house so we can have a homestudy soon.

Grace in small things

1. SPRING is finally here!

2. Chris is getting stronger every day

3. Chris has a sales job he can do from home!

4. We also have two potential residents to live in our rental house we will find out more in a week.

5. Aubrey is READING I mean really READING. This is a child that wasn't supposed to walk, talk, or live. God proved THOSE people wrong.

He is so proud of himself!

I"m in a FOUL MOOD...

***grumble***

Husband talked to our GAL about what she found out about the baby situation. It sounds fishy. Like they are not telling all about the situation. The substidy for adopting is the same for a typical dev child is the same for a child with special needs. We are SO not in it for money...we want to make sure the childs needs are taken care of...that's it. If we took guardianship of her it would provide for her extra needs. I haven't given up completely. It's in Gods hands...I just pray SOMEONE even if it isn't us can bring her into their home and love her like every child deserves to be loved AND provide for her extra needs.

Baby Girl....

I'm still dreaming. We have played phone tag with A-mans GAL all week. She was supposed to call S's SW. Meanwhile the SW is trying to call us but we need to get in touch with our GAL for advice....

Yes Amanda we were told of a possible adoption situation over "there". I have been praying for "one more" for years. A 2yr old with PWS that lives in a hospital. The timing though....we found out a week before Chris got hurt. He will have a job soon as he is healing nicely but we just have to be certain that all "baby girls" medical needs will be taken care of. As you know we can supply all the love she could ever want. I think in all of this God is trying to teach us a lot. So far he has. It's just hard to think of possibly having that one more child that I have dreamed of....and having it not happen...?

Grace in small things

1. spring rain ahhhhh
2. Going to walmart for seeds to plant, a strawberry plant and some broccoli plants.
3. watching my son play basketball and feeling so proud
4. watching his friends play basketball...I LOVE seeing how outgoing they are with being proud of themselves. Us typical folks should do the same.
5. watching a netflix with the hubby...:)

Baby girl

Chris got a message from the SW today saying the birth family loved the profile we sent them. Our GAL apparantly also called but we haven't been able to touch base with her on the phone. There are so many things we have to make sure of with a special needs adoption...one making sure she would get medicaid. A-man gets medicaid and there is NO WAY we would be able to pay for his medical expenses without it.

For some reason I'm a bit discouraged about the situation today. I just keep praying though that even if WE are not the family meant for the baby that God does find a family for her...and he gives me the strength to DEAL WITH IT. I want one more.....before I'm 40.

Grace in small things

1. Free pancakes at IHOP this morning!! plus we all shared a combo meal. Quite yummy!
2. My local homeschool group...people talk about lack of socialization with homeschooling but seriously I have a lot more friends since homeschooling.
3. A WONDERFUL meal brought by a sweet fellow homeschooler. Geesh if feels funny having people helping us. I like what she said though "I have 7 children...I have had a lot of meals brought to ME"
4. Being able to take Zoe to the dr today and being able to pay for it in full due to friends.
5. seeing my girl decide to be brave....I PROMISED her no shots (her biggest fear) at the dr. The dr highly suggested a flu shot and I explained to him (not her regular ped)...she muttered to me "I'll do it...I'll do it" and took it like a big girl. :)
6. My son is the funniest child on this planet. Today he asked me when I was going to even out the haircut I gave him....he complained he was starting to look like GEORGE WASHINGTON....I was ROTFLMAO!!!
7. oooops I'm over my quota on the list but gosh I am so blessed with my husband and kids.

My sons first run in with the law....at 9!!

Geesh. Guess where he got in trouble with the law??? CHURCH of all places. Today Chris stayed home with Z because she was sick. A-man wanted to go and so did I so off we went. I have a major problem with crowds normally so I'm embarassed to say I've never went to church alone...except maybe in college. A-man went to sunday school and I went to service. I had no anxiety and completely enjoyed the service.

I'm walking downstairs to get A-man and he is sitting by the door in a chair with his SS teacher on one side and a POLICE OFFICER on the other side. The church we go to is very large and they do have security always present and several officers walking around at times. The details I got are sketchy and 75% of what A-man said is obviously a made up story. Chris is waiting for his SS teacher to call him back. I do know he kicked another student in his class (a lady with CP in a wheelchair). Then he was taken in the hallway and he kicked the teacher..somehow the officer got involved...he kicked him, tried to hit him and tried to take his GUN. :( He was also very verbally threatening. When I got there I just knew the junk had hit the fan. I about panicked as he was refusing to stand up and he's too big for me to pick up. The police told me a bit of what he was doing. Then A-man tried to grab the police again. THEN he (my son) said some VERY BAD THINGS. This is a huge church....wait I said that;)....everyone was staring. I wanted to crawl under a rock. My heart hurt so bad. He can have some extreme behavior but it is few and far between. I do not remember the last time he lost it. This was the wourst. My head has pounded all day. Heck I took a LONG nap most of the afternnoon. Chris is on the phone with the teacher right now...I guess I'll found out some of they why's soon.

Grace in Small things

1. a van to borrow until our suv is fixed.
2. it's almost spring...I can smell it.
3. coffee with a friend yesterday
4. a wonderful friend with the same name as me brought us homemade chicken pot pie YUM!
5. I feel loved by God, family and friends.

Grace in small things

1. The sun is shining.
2. a friend from church is going to let us borrow their van.
3. the dog pooped on the wood floor instead of the carpet.
4. I have a box of kleenexes for our noses...we all have a cold.
5. Friends are going to bring us some meals over...such a nice help.
6. Encouragement and support from friends.

Grace in not so small things!

1. a sweet neighbor that cleared out her entire day to try and help us somehow. She drove me to the tax place and the grocery store and then watched the kids for an hour.

2. Getting back a bigger tax return than normally figured.

3. Being able to get SUV repaired in two weeks!!!

4. Children being super sweet and helpful for daddy and I.

5. A very spunky husband that wants to get better and will do all he can to make sure he does.

Grace in small things

1. My wonderful husband who is my best friend....my rock
2. my beautiful children who charmed all today wherever we went.
3. Compliments on my charming childrens manners :)
4. Homeschool friends...many who I knew only casually coming to my rescue...others wanting to.
5. family far away praying for a speedy recovery of C

Men (and women) close to 40 should not wear rollerskates....

Lesson learned today. Maybe if I get it all out there I will be able to sleep peacefully.

Today was the homeschool valentines day roller skating party. I decided ahead of time no skates would grace these feet as I have had a heck of a time with my back/neck this winter. (I sound like an old fart) But C?? he put them on...did the hokey pokey...the chicken dance and at the end of the party fell on his knee, hip...then face. 11 stitches later and a broken hip....with 3 pins! I swear I was in shock the whole day. I was on autopilot with God as my pilot. I was in the eating area with A-man....and one of my friends was pounding on the partition saying C was on the floor! I looked over to see him holding his head trying to get up! Fortunately there was a nurse there that made him stay still....the dr later said that was a very good thing. Z was a mess...A-man was in hysterics. The car we drove there in (our other suv is waiting for tax return to get fixed) is a 65 falcon that I CANNOT drive...I'm sure I could but it has an unusual shift. So a fellow homeschooler drove us to the hospital behind the ambulance. We waited and waited...it's a small city so A-man enjoyed talking with hospital security...she also has a special needs adult dd that goes to our church. I had no money with me as I do not carry a purse. (well I may be reconsidering that after all these years) We saw dh before surgery and he gave me his debit card. DH goes to surgery and I decide I better feed the kids so I ask where an ATM is.....we find it and it DOESN'T WORK and the cafe doesn't process debit cards. So.....what do we do??? We walk to the bank!hahahah (gotta laugh) it wasn't far but half the sidewalks were in disrepair due to fixing the road. Halfway there I remember I left dh's hospital bag with his clothes and shoes in it....so before eating we find it....safe and sound in the chair we put it. At this point the wonderfully sweet helpful (candystripers? not sure what they are called now) kept our bags so we could go eat lunch at 3 pm. Meanwhile my phone is ringing off the hook with friends trying to find out how they can help. :) VERY touching especially because we have no local family here anymore. BUT I miss the drs call....but it all works out....a nice lady helps the scatterbrain mama (ME) find my way to wait in the orthopedic wing of the hosptital. ......the rest tomorrow...I'm tired.

DH coming around...

I went to bed thinking dh was just not onboard with adopting...I woke up to him TOTALLY EXCITED! He called and talked to one social worker who gave us the number of one that knew more. It's not in the same state and we do not have a current homestudy...could be sticky. BUT I think if it's meant to be it will happen. If not dh wants to get a homestudy done anyway for possible future situations.

I may finally be crazy...

LOL! Tonight someone on a parenting bb sent me a message telling me about a 2 yr old with PWS that needs a forever home. The child has been in the hospital most of it's life as the family doesn't want her. HOW could a family not want their own child? I can see not being able to care for a child due to high needs. Maybe that is it. Geesh I would LOVE one more. We could give this child a whole lotta love. DH is extremely hesitant due to $$$ worries...but if God meant for it to be He would provide. He always has before. DH said he will call tomorrow to talk with the SW. It's in God's hands.

Word to the wise....

if in doubt if someone is pregnant....don't ask. Instead they may have infertility and be fluffy.
This day just HAS to get better!!!

2nd Day of Grace

1. We went hiking today!
2. I felt the sun on my face.
3. I just took a bath over an hour reading...in peace.
4. we went to a fun science fair
5. the children were able to play outside (no bitter cold) with a friend.

OK I cannot sleep

Today is my husbands last day at his job. GASP. Not a bad thing just a change...but a bit financially scarey. He works with adults with disabilities. He has the last two+ years and then way before that (with several years of retail inbetween) for many years he was the director of a sheltered workshop for people with disabilities. I like to think I dragged him into this occupation as I have been working with disabilities since I was 20 when I worked in a mental hospital. It was a life altering job...and I was just there 5 months.

We have rental houses and have one vacant that we want to turn into a small group home with one and eventually two clients. We have a son that is eventually going to need care outside of us and it scares me what I hear from my husband. Granted there are a LOT of wonderful people with big hearts working in the field. There are also people burned out with good intentions and not other work choice working in the field. It is our dream to take care of someone or more than one as our job. So we have a couple possible people that would be a GREAT fit for our family but we are waiting for them to get approval for their funding. This has been something in the works for a few years for us...but we are realizing it's all in God's timing not ours.

We really want to make a difference in another families life. :)

Days of Grace

OOOOh I saw this on my best aussie friends blog. I LOVE the concept!!! http://graceinsmallthings.ning.com/ This week I am overwhelmed. I should be doing this I should be doing that but I'm just able to do homeschooling this week. Major exciting wonderful change coming on....I just cannot focus. But I will focuss on this for now!

1. God is BIG and in control when I am not!
2. I am loved
3. I have a nice warm house
4. I have food and a wonderful husband to cook it hahahah!
5. I can stay home with my kids and be their teacher.

I couldn't ask for much more.

My girl

These are a couple pictures of Z-girl gosh....3 years ago when she was in the play "Midsummer Night's Dream" I found some paper copies in my desk drawer today. I lost the copies off my computer last fall when my laptop crashed. (fortunately most of my pictures were on my main computer) They are not real clear but since taking them I've wanted to do something artsy with them. I have a few other similiar ones and was thinking of a collage.

Not sure why it's cutting off the side of some pictures?

My son the flirt

Oh I thought of something I do not want to forget. Tonight before cubscouts we went to the best local hotdog place for a quick dinner. (a rare treat;) A mom and her daughter sat down. The daughter was probably 13 and very pretty. A-man said " do I know her?" and in his normal fashion LOL ended up chatting with the girl and her mom. (he LOVES pretty girls Lord help me;) I'm not sure where/how but he was convinced that he knew her. He kept asking the mom (who was VERY sweet) if she (the mom) did her hair....and all kinds of questions. He was obviously quite smitten. One of the things I love best about my ds is he doesn't see disabilites/differences in others....he only sees their beauty. This beautiful young lady has Downs syndrome and it made her day to have a young admirer.

Prader-willi syndrome

I really want to get into the habit of blogging everyday but I cannot think of anything really creative right now. So...I thought I would do a blog on my sons disability. Prader-willi syndrome. I could type up all the facts (here are the facts http://www.pwsausa.org/syndrome/basicfac.htm on it but I would rather explain how it affects our family.

If the average person looked at our son....and knew we counted his calories...they would think we were crazy. He is tall (thanks to his genetics and growth hormones) and is a good weight. He could be slimmer as he is in the 75%+ for weight...but he is for height too and looks just right to me. Before bed every night I have to look through his pockets and through his drawers as even with almost constant supervision he manages to hide things. Cough drops, his dads snack cakes, the rare candy we have in the house, food out of the pantry. He will find the opportunity and hide it in his room for later. We also have to keep all medicines out of reach as will try to consume anything he thinks might taste good. The GENIUS who decided to make Pinesol in colors that look like mouthwash should be shot. LOL. Years ago I walked into the bathroom when he was going to the potty just in time to keep him from gargling pinesol. Needless to say all cleaning supplies, toothpaste, mouthwash is out of his reach.

He also has major impulse control issues. I'm not sure if that is PWS or ADHD or both rolled up into one. He can say some REALLY bad things to his sister and other children when my husband or I are not within earshot. I'm not sure where he gets this as we do not watch tv and we are very careful of the videos he watches.

There's more challenges but I will save that for another blog. Instead I want to describe the positive characteristics of our son. He has made my husband, daughter, and I more patient than we could ever be. He is Mr PERSONALITY. He has been this way before he could talk. (3yrs old) When we go to stores and restaurants EVERYONE knows him...think CHEERS. "Hey it's A-MAN!!" I'm a normally shy person and he has caused us to meet and know more people than I could ever imagine. At restaurants it is a norm for waitresses, store owners, other customers to sit down at our table just so they can be blessed by talking to him.

I could type on and but I will save it for another day. Here is a picture from today of the hubby and A-man.

Jean Rag Quilt

This is the first large quilt I have ever attempted. I have made baby/child quilts.(simple ones) Originally I wanted it a lot bigger but....I am out of jeans! These are 6 inch squares. If I've done my math right this will be about 5 1/2 feet square. This will be for camping and for picnics.

I Am

"I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. I will not refuse to do the something I can do."-Helen Keller

I love these words and they mean so much to me. I first saw them in one of our favorite sandwich shops. I guess if I had a motto this is what it would be. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with everything that I should be doing that I can not narrow it down to doing one thing at a time. Once I do focuss myself on things of most importance life goes so much smoother and is more productive.