Saturday, August 15, 2009 fish go to heaven???

Z~girl turned 8 this month. I cannot believe so much time as gone by! I remember sitting on the couch of the old log cabin we used to live in nursing her and watching the twin towers fall. It was unbelievable.

The last couple weeks she has really started to share her feelings with me. Her thoughts. Her worries and things she is curious about. Some of it has been some pretty serious stuff. She shared something that she thought I would be mad about and b'gosh I had flashbacks to a situation in my childhood! If I had someone to talk to about would have really helped me....I talked to her....told her I liked that she shared it with me...I reassured her I was not angry.....told her a similiar situation when I was a child...but told her as wonderful as my parents were....are (in my moms case she is still here) I NEVER felt like I could talk/question my parents.

This ISN'T the story or situation I told Z but I remember once in middle school hearing (this is years ago....a more innocent time I think;) something about french kissing. I said completely innocently to my mom "Mom did you know in France they kiss with their tongues???" funny now but I got in trouble and it was a question from an innocent...naive 6th grader.

I so WANT my daughter to come to me. AND that she has this month. This week teary eyed (she is a very sensitive little soul) she said "if I think a bad thought about someone will they know I thought about it when they go to heaven?" ACTUALLY this is the second question this week that started out like this. The first one had me worried...she said she had a bad thought about daddy. I kept calm...didn't react.....she said she was thinking of the D word. I thought the worst. Finally she said in her mind she was thinking daddy was a DUMMY because he wasn't spending as much time with us as when he was recooperating(sp?) from breaking his hip. He was home with us for over 2 months. Geesh I had to squeeze her! I talked to hubby about it and the next day made sure she was able to spend the afternoon with him. Today she got teary again same question....but she was thinking about someone...that they were fat...she felt bad. GEESH I thought she was talking about me or her daddy! (we could stand to lose 20;) Finally she told me she thought it about her brothers worker. She is a sweet girl 19....that is heavy yet so very pretty. I told Z that sometimes we couldn't help what we thought....but we could help what came out of our mouth. I also told her how pretty I thought A-mans worker was (she IS!) and that God made us all shapes and would be very odd off we were all the same.

I'm off track;) just a bit. This week I'm convinced I killed my girls Beta fish!!!! the water kept turning green (should have left it that way!) I put something in it and the fish died. Z girl was SO UPSET....she thought it was something she did. We tried to convince her otherwise. :) Today though she asked me if her fish would go to heaven. I told her I didn't know. BUT I told her when I asked my dad that question years ago about one of our dogs....he said that heaven will be filled with everything we love. That seemed to satisfy her.

I hope her questions keep coming. I love her so much!!!!

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