Sunday, November 22, 2009

Lighting a candle tonight




in memory of my nephew Ryan who was killed in a car accident 2 years ago. He was 20 years old.

OK if you read my blog you know I can be scatterbrained. I'm comfortable with that now...it's who I am. Two years ago today I had scheduled us to fly to spend Thanksgiving with family....this was the year Thanksgiving came earlier in November so the week before we were to fly out...the nonrefundable tickets were bought one of my brothers emailed me saying in a nice way "could you not fly here any sooner than Thanksgiving day?" uhhhh I had booked ON THANKSGIVING DAY!! I was embarassed.

The kids are excited....we are...and after a long day of flying from coast to coast we finally arrive in Wa. From the start it strikes me odd. My brother R was supposed to be picking us up. Well most of my east coast family meets us in the airport. My brother S's girls...and his son....my great nephews and great nieces...and my mom. NO ONE looked happy. My brother R comes up to dh and I in a hug and says...I will never forget these words "R was killed in a car accident last night"... I felt so sick...like I had been hit in the gut...with all these eyes of my family on me. I remember hugging R saying I am sooo sorry...and running to the bathroom...to get sick and sob.

The rest is a blur...memories with family....some good even amidst the sorrow. It was a rough event for A and Z. We went to the viewing and brought them....I think back and wonder if some of A`mans issues...his obsessions with death were caused by this. A~man had only met R once...but R worked with adults with disabilites but their one time meeting...they were fast friends. You can't go back and change things... I remember standing next to my niece T...she is like a sister to me...heck most of my nieces I feel are more like sisters to me....just staring....walking out of the room hugging my brother and sobbing like I have never cried before...like I have never cried since. Seeing my nephew there....stilll and cold. I have NEVER cried like I did with R's death. I remember A~man screaming " my cousin is not DEAD".

I pray for his parents and his sister tonight as I often do....hoping they have peace....and comfort. If my heart hurt so much I cannot imagine their grief.

I hope R is up there playing his drums in glory!! ~Joy~

2 comments:

  1. What a heartbreaking post. I've lost so many dear ones, but ones like this, when it feels "too soon" can be the hardest. I hope R saw his auntie's candle and played a special song for you!

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