am I CRAZY or what??

*warning..this is just a lot of ramble. My normal posts about PWS, autism, homeschooling, etc etc will return in August...I hope! ;) *

Heather if you read this the book I am reading is Quaker Summer . It is excellent. In fact the main characters name is Heather.

On with the crazy thoughts. I seriously want one more baby. With infertility I wonder if this feeling will ever go away? I always dreamed of having a baby at 40-41...like my mother (ME) and like both of my grandmothers. Now I'm not talking about getting pregnant. (although God surprised me with Z-girl!) I mean becoming mommy for a third time which would have to be through foster care. The foster care system with A-man aged me...but I can go into the next room, kiss his sweet face and know it was worth it and meant to be. Most likely we would have to go through another county as...well...we have a reputation here. (for fighting for what is right...which is not necessarily what DSS wants) Do I have it in me? I feel like my motives are purely selfish. Sure I want to help a child that needs a home...but even more so I want another baby in my arms.

Oh and if you knew how busy my current life currently can be...you would wonder what I was thinking. PWS is a constant journey filled with ups and downs. I told my mom last year briefly awhile back that I wanted another. She said " I hope you do not get one with problems." To give her the benefit of the doubt she is 81 and the language with disabilites is different than what she knows. I have went off on her a couple times (God forgive me ;) for comments. In my heart I think most likely it will be a child with extra needs. Anyway that's enough for tonight.

soul searching...

So much I could blog about I do not know where to start. I did turn 40 a week ago...lol. So I have been doing a lot of thinking about stuff and just cannot express it all right now. I do have a very fun overnight trip (hubbys bday present to me!) with a couple friends in a couple weeks. Spa and the great outdoors. I can't wait.

I am reading a really good book right now. I do not think it is an accident I picked it up at the library. It's on spirituality, church, serving God...good stuff like that.  We haven't attended church much this year. Our son has as he sometimes attends the special needs program they have. The church is HUGE. I won't/can't say anything negative about the church just that I wonder if somewhere smaller would be better. I'm hoping God will lead us somewhere.

I hope to get back blogging and doing artsy stuff soon! Z and I are working on some sewing projects though.