The good....and the not so good

Life is such a wonderful mix of good and not so good isn't it? If life went along exactly as you wanted it you wouldn't be able to appreciate the truly wonderful moments. That is what I am finding anyway.

The last two afternoons we have had playdates. (is there a better term for this when your kids get older? the whole term is kinda odd) I got brave. I BROUGHT A~man despite the fact hubby could have watched him at home. When my son is around things do not go normal. That's a fact. I'm not complaining that is just how it is. Yesterday it was friends with a boy/girl similiar age but the boy didn't come. (was he afraid?hahah) We went to a park with a stream and the three played in the water. Besides some flatulance and crude humour on A~mans part it went ok. Not great. OK. I really enjoyed talking with the mom. I just hope she doesn't think flatulance is a normal thing in our home. ;)

Today was at another friends house with boy/girl kids similiar age. They recently lost their sweet dog and although I had told Z~girl I hadn't told A~man. He gets things stuck in his head. I told him that their dog had gotten sick and that he was NOT to talk about it with them. I let him talk to me about it...he was really sad for them and went in his room to look for stuff he could give them to make them feel better. I told him no that what he could do is not talk about their sweet pet...as it would have been him talking about it for 2 hours. OK I also bribed him a bit with game store tokens but honestly it just gave him something tangeable to focus on rather than the sadness. He did well. Did he behave like a typical child? no. But he isn't a typical child and he did the best he could.

Later on all four of us were in the car and out of nowhere he said "mama, thank you for praying to God that you would have a son." (both children know it took a long time for us to become mama and daddy) there was a pause and he said "thank you for letting me live in your house." *sob* and then he said something like "I thank God that he lives in my heart". This child has a way of just leaving me speechless sometimes. (sometimes for good reasons sometimes for bad;) I think part of it came from earlier he started asking about his bio grandfather he met ( a long time ago but he was nice and made a good impression)...then about his first mom (also nice just not capable of caring for him)...and her twin. Then about his first father. (I use that term VERY loosely he was not a father in any sense of the true meaning) It was a challenging conversation and it just seems like at 11 he is processing things around in his head. It would be challenging for a typically developing child too. We have always told him about his first family.

Well we get home and it is a pleasant evening and A~man is about to turn in early as he was tired. I smelled something. There is no mistaking Thin Mint Girl Scout cookies. So I ask him to bring them to me. He gets the wrapper sleeve. Then I ask him if he has any other food in his room. He must have been feeling really honest as he brought me a protein bar wrapper, more cookie wrappers, and 3 or 4 energy drink cans. My son drinking an energy drink is nothing short of comical if you knew the energy he has. It seems months will go by with him not hoarding food and we let our guard down and this happens. Was I mad at him? no. There was a time (short lived) I would have yelled about it, cried about it, practically banged my head on the wall about it. I can't do that. Right now I'm also at the point of not putting a huge weight of guilt on me and hubbies shoulders. Right now it is a "learn from your mistakes" sort of thing. With Prader-willi syndrome you just can't let your guard get down.

So that is it the good...and the not so good. All equal a very wonderful learning experience.

Oh my goodness I'm 41

OK I've been 41 for 10 days. Today is my hubbies birthday. We went to some beautiful waterfalls in the afternoon and I took a bazzilion pictures. I also had made sure to take pictures of my husband with the kids and made him take pictures of me alone and with the kids. Recently I had to make a family page to go in our homeschool year book and realized "whoa...I did not have hardly ANY pictures of myself!" I'm always the one behind the camera and my subjects are normally the kids, the dog or nature. I want our children to have pictures of us with them. I'm not overly fond of having pictures taken of myself. No I do not think I am homely BUT I find myself picking apart a few things I do not like about myself physically. That is not a good mindset to have. God loves me and I am his creation. I also do not want my daughter to pick up on those vibes. Unfortunately she already does know C and I are trying to lose weight (we are at a standstill :( and she has asked me if SHE is fat. Not good. She is petite in every sense. So I am going to post a few pictures of me...at 41. Oh and I'm not going to make a negative comment like I so want to. I will say a positive instead. I just got 8 inches or so cut off my hair and I LOVE MY HAIR! Love it!

I love this one with my sweeties!

I do have to giggle. I had hubby taking my picture and a few were "interesting" NOT ones y'all want to see. I thought he was taking a picture of my face. Well it wasn't. I busted out laughing when I saw them, not at myself...but that even after all these years he would get frisky like that.

Please excuse my blog as it is under construction!

oh what a night...

We have been taking this health product for the last few months with really good results. (I won't tell ya the product as I am NOT trying to sell it to you, hahaha) Anyway my husband IS trying to sell it and goes to several meetings a month...with motivational speakers. HE is an excellent talker and salesman...me? no. Tonight was supposed to be more of a family event so after much talking he convinced me to go. It was at someone's house that I only knew of their name. Their house should could have been on that show "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous". My jaw was on the floor. On their property they had a little "log house cabin" and a whole theatre building which is where the kids were going to watch a movie. lol. If you have read my blog enough you will know I cannot let A~man out of my sight especially in someone else's home. Bad things would happen, hahaha. I knew one lady at the party fairly well as she was my sons PT FOREVER. She met him in the hospital before he even came to live with us. She is an awesome lady. Well evidently unknown to hubby and I (the meetings he went to before were at a certain restaurant) most of the women were dressed as if it were a cocktail party with DRESSES. Me? I was wearing jean capris and glad that I changed into a fairly nice tshirt before we came. I was also glad on this rare day I actually did something with my hair other than pulling it back in a pony tail. I was SOOOOO out of place and wanted to disappear into the seat cushions. AT one point I had to glance and make sure my legs were even shaved.

HONESTLY I would NEVER want to live like that. The people were nice so I am not putting them down. The house was beautiful but so beyond over the top. These are not people I would choose to hang out with and I am sure they would not want to hang out with plain ole me. ;) (OK I am not so plain but in spirit I like things simple) It made me think even more fondly of all of the friends I have that appreciate the simple things like me. I would not trade any of them for what I saw tonight.

Before the meeting the PT friend of ours talked Z into going to watch a movie with her daughter in the theatre building. Five minutes later she was back saying she wanted to stay with us. (while she read her book about the Wright Brothers ahhaha, I have created a book worm) The meeting lasted two HOURS. I felt so bad for the kids. It was an ok speaker but money is not a big motivator for me. I do not have any desire to be rich monetarily. I want to be able to be comfortable and would love one day to be able to help others.

I did get tickled when my hubby's friend afterwards went on and on about how good both A and Z were. They were sooooo good! I do not think I could have been that patient as a child. Tomorrow we are having a special day for them to the game store and to get icecream. I love my family! :)

Like the wind

Today for the 4th we went to a church picnic. It was soooo nice. Since coming to NC for one reason or the other we went to BIG churches. I'm shy and tend to get completely lost in big groups. Sometimes I wonder if that was what I was trying to do. This is a small church. I feel God led us to this church and it has caused me to show more of myself as you cannot blend in to the wall at a small church. There are many other reasons I love our new church (we started last fall) but that is not what this blog entry is about.

After the picnic Z and hubby went into the grocery store to get a small pack of fireworks. A~man was COMPLETELY over stimulated to the limit (which happens on holidays) and we stayed in the car. The question he asked me was amazing. This child that was not supposed to walk,talk, or live. He said HOW is Jesus inside of me? How did he get in there. He wanted to know PHYSICALLY how he got in there. This is coming from a very concrete thinker. He wants to know PHYSICALLY how He got in there. He knows the story of Jesus very well and can tell you...infact he obsesses over the whole Easter story. (which is a whole nuther entry) How does someone explain this to an 11 year old that in some cases is more like a 7 year old? I tried to explain it like wind. You can feel it on your face...see it blowing the trees, blowing the clouds, but you cannot SEE wind. But still you know it's there. That's kindof how I feel about God. You can feel his comfort, his guidance, and see his work in your life but you can't actually see a physical THING. He persisted so I'm not sure he got it but hopefully one day he will. Tonight he wrote a note to Jesus.

I wasn't sure what to tell him about that as he put it under his pillow. (reminder to self soon we will have the talk about the tooth fairy, Santa, etc....wish we NEVER would have done all that) Despite his wondering this child has such great faith. If he says he is going to pray for someone HE PRAYS FOR THEM without any prompting. He shows Gods love to EVERYONE around him. He KNOWS God...he just wants more specifics.


When he was a wee little boy...maybe 4-5 and he was starting to put words together he SAW angels on occasion. It was an amazing description especially since at that time he did not know what they were. He brought his daddy to tears one night with his description. (and no he doesn't just "SEE" things)

How do you explain to a child what God IS?? (beyond what you read to them)

HERE I AM!!

Yes I am here. I have been hesitant to blog as our life has been scrambled a bit and y'all do NOT want to read the complete drama, trust me. BUT. The kids are fine and healthy and A~man's behavior is stable for the most part. Hubby and I are closer than ever. YET we have been facing the possibility of losing our home...our vehicle called it quits a month after it was paid for and for us is too expensive to fix. (we are a one vehicle family) If it wasn't for the fact hubby has a kind friend that owns a car lot we would be on foot....(we have been before but that was before and we were much younger...and rode our bikes everywhere) but as of today the vehicle we have been driving is ours. (with payments of course) Still waiting on the house issues. Looking back I wish we would have chosen a much smaller home for our first house. You can't go back though can you? The cause of all of this turmoil (well NOT the car...WE are rough on vehicles) the service provider for my childs special needs. UNFREEKINGBELIEVABLE. But I cannot go into the details except for the fact we are now officially with a company that is on the ball and cares. This company is appalled at what the other place has done to us. I went to a half day training today to deal with sn's behaviors (I have had the training before kids when I was "working" ;) and I am so impressed with the staff. They CARE. Shouldn't a mental health support organization be like that??!!

The icky bitter icing on the cake is my husband lost his job this week. This is the second time he has worked for this "place". He quit the first time...similiar crap, he was fired this time due to a load of bullshite...excuse my language. I have NO respect for the owner of this place. NONE. I like the manager and other sales associates but will never step foot in that store again.

Did I write all of this for any reader to say "oh you poor thing" ? No. So don't give me that as I do not want it or expect it. I believe as a Christian things happen for a reason. I am not thinking "sour grapes". I am angry (it takes a LOT to make me angry) but we went through similiar stuff when A~man was a foster child ensuring he had services for his disabilites and things got ugly then. Because of that and a dear friend of ours the local DSS system concerning SN's foster children has changed. It wasn't pretty and we made no friends with DSS. (ok we did have a few;)I'm hoping soon there will be a similiar statewide occurance.

I have momentarily felt like throwing my hands up into the air to God "what are you doing to us?" It has been an avalanche.Yet I feel God with me every step of the way. He IS there. There is a reason for all of this and I have placed it all in his hands.

Looking back 10+ years before becoming a parent our obstacle was infertility. After the fact I can see we would not have our SUPERFANTASTIC A~man without Gods perfect plan. We wouldn't have the SPECTACULAR Z~girl without A~man coming first. (as he could not come into a house with children because he was extremely medically fragile as an infant) God has some plan in this 9 month turmoil we have experienced and I believe we will see the light about it soon.


A mostly unneccessary (I do not think that is a word hahaha) disclaimer- if you know me IRL..family...friends. Do not share what I have written on this particular subject with anyone. I have only told one local friend...a couple not local friends...and do not want my mother in particular to worry unneccessarily. God IS in control even when our current situations seem uncontrollable.

life's lessons sometimes..arent pleasant

We have several holly trees around our house. They are BIG, TALL trees that need trimmed. Right beside our front door is a haven for bird nests. In the past it has been Mourning Dove's nests. (my favorite bird) We learned over the years that Mourning Doves are a very trusting friendly bird (in our experience) and when the babies had flown from the nest they would come right up to you within a couple feet. I guess they were used to us watching them from a distance. The last Mourning Dove family we had though the baby bird died and after a few days (with Z insisting) we buried the baby. We think it was the same bird pair as after the baby died there the Dove pair did not return to that spot.

We were pleasantly surprised this spring to discover a pair of Robines nesting in that same tree. Over the last few weeks we have watched her make the nest, sit on it, and the three baby Robine's grow. Today Z ran in though yelling "there is a snake in the tree". We observe the birds throughout the day from our front steps and we also have a view from a window right into the nest. When she said that I figured there was a snake on the ground. No, there was a snake IN THE NEST. (a really big black snake about 4 foot) She was in tears and I was in tears. At first I told her to run and get a big stick as I could see a wee baby bird head sticking out from the coiled snake. By the time she got back though I knew that wasn't the right thing. For one thing the snake wasn't "bad" he was getting dinner...the whole cycle of the food chain came to my mind and we talked about it. I sure hope it is also getting some of the pesky Voles we have in our yard too! Also...with A~mans impulse control issues I could not let him see me messing with a snake. He would then think it was OK to mess with a snake. It was all a part of nature but still it made me sick to my stomache and so sad that the kids SAW it happening.

During all this the mama and daddy Robine kept flying in that tree. It was pitiful. For hours that mama kept bringing food to that nest. Such an innate thing I told Z for a mama and daddy (even if it was "just" a bird) to take care of its family.

Redhead of the Day

This post has been long overdue. I have had a writers block trying to come up with a blog fitting of this. It's a given I think that parents of special needs children have a tough job. Parents in general have a tough job. What about the siblings of these special needs children? We were blessed with A~man when he was 4.5 months old and 17 months later we were doubly blessed with a little bundle that we were not supposed to be able to conceive. This post is about Z~girl and how totally special she is as a daughter, sister, and friend. Her spunk delights and often times tests my patience (I joke that she could argue with a wall) but I would not want her to be any other way than what God made her to be. She was given that spunk for a reason and I adore it. There is a reason for her spark and it will cause her to excell in all that she tries.

As a family we love going out in the communtity to restaurants, walking downtown, or even the grocery store. Ever since they were babes I would take them to walk (in a stroller)in our charming downtown as that is where my husband worked and is back working once more. It is a truth that because of A~mans outgoingness (not a word) that he steals the show. But Z's spectacular strawberry blonde wavy hair (she gets mad if I say that she says it IS RED :) causes HER to get attention. I'm bragging but even on the days (and there are many hahah) she refuses to brush that wild mane...it remains GORGEOUS.

A couple years ago we were at one of our favorite breakfast places and met the most charming white haired woman. It was one of those times when you just know you were meant to meet a new friend. We were lucky enough to run into her several times over a length of time and the kids would always keep an eye out to see if Karen was there. One of the times A~man was in a funk. I do not remember what the issue was but most likely he had gotten in trouble at home and was clammed up and unusually quiet. This gave Z~girl her moment to shine. She had a delightful conversation with this sweet woman and they have/had a lot in common. A love for books, words, and writing. Not long ago we ran into Karen (I have her permission to say her name) and she said that she wrote a poem about Z and that there would be a library reading of her poem and others from a book that was published by a group of lovely creative souls.

Last week we went to that reading and it was delightful! I hope to share a few in my blog in the next few weeks but for now I will share the one by Karen Heggen about my Z~girl-

Redhead of the Day

How long ago did it start,
this tendency to look each day
for the favorite redhead?

One recent restaurant redhead
was a girl of seven, a girl
with an abundance of fizzy
shoulder-length light-red hair, a girl
whose talkative ten-year-old brother
usually got most of the attention.

On the day that turned the tables
he was in a blue funk at breakfast,
sat pouting, while she and I started
talking across the aisle about her accomplishments.
For me, the details slipped away as days
went by, but for the child, the joy remained.

Weeks later, while I was driving home,
miles away from where she and I
had met, I heard a car honk, looked
toward the left lane, and there she was
with her parents her whole face beaming
at me, arms waving, red hair bouncing,
that enthusiasm repeated at several
red lights along the next mile or more.

My whole body began to smile, my
heart grew full all the way home.
No grandma I may be, but my daily
dose of redheads brings joy to me.

by Karen Heggen

The book this was published in is called A Long and Winding Road. It is the Ninth Anthology of The Seasoned Poets of the Blue Ridge. I hope to share some more out of it soon. The poems are full of many laughs, tears, and memories as the years go by. I love them! Oh and when we were in the store last week a different poet recognized Z from the reading. She was on cloud nine my precious redhead.